Every night a monologue plays in my mind of all the words I would have said if I thought you were listening

Every night I stay up trying to fall asleep to did he get my emails did he read my emails did he see my emails did he delete my emails did he get my emails does he ignore my emails does he read my emails does he see my emails does he delete my emails

Every day I sink in to my reality…this mediocrity…all the things I wish I could be, wish I could be doing…and I think of the things I have done in order to do them…and I think of how many times the path of trying to get to where I wish I was has broken me. Broken me to bits. Bits hanging out the window of the 29th floor looking down, hanging on with one hand to…

Change everything. Changing everything. Phone calls. Flights. Packing packing packing packing packing Get the fuck out. Anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere but

Here we are again.

It’s a means to an end, right? Every body does this. Right? Every body hates every minute of their existence, every second like a small stab in the throat killing killing killing god just make it end I can’t talk to these people anymore I can’t stay here I can’t do this I can’t

Change everything.

Like a slide show. The flash of a camera. Move home, move out, move back, move on, move in, get dropped get bent out of shape cause the nightmares are a run on sentence that’s spilling in to daylight and the dark doesn’t stop anymore and I don’t remember why I do this why do I do this why do I do this why do I

Change everything?

I can’t stand it in my own skin. And I’m running out of places to go. And I can’t write it on my walls, because I don’t have any. I can’t drive somewhere new, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere but here is where we are. And I start over. And over. And over. Again.

Every night

A monologue

Plays in my mind

But this is

The first time

I have written anything down

In a year

Everytime I feel like giving up and like I have nothing good to say, I get a nice encouraging message inspiring to carry on.

Soooo Yeah It is 3 in the morning and I frequently spend my nights into the early morning thinking, reading, writing and whatever trying to sort out the millions of thoughts that go through my head in these quiet hours; that is when my work schedual allows :D…I started reading your blog and just realized what a genuine, humble and honest person you are. I had to say how much I admire your dedication and hard work, it’s truly inspirational 🙂 I am an extremely shy person as well, although at times it doesn’t seem that way due to the fact that when I am comfortable I talk way too much and can be very loud lol. My point being that listening to your music and reading your blog put the rare smile on my face that only emerges when I discover that another person in this lovely superficial city of LA is an actual human with a soul ha ha!

Thank you for making my evening/morning 😛

How could I give up after hearing somethin like that?

Thank you, anonymous listener…

A friend of mine named Shane Cook is taking some music biz classes and asked for my opinion on a few things. Bet he regrets that decision! 😉

As someone who has been both on a record label, and produced records independently, what are some misconceptions aspiring artists may have about signing with a label?

That it’s a good idea. It is not.

The only time/reason/situation people start thinking it is a good idea to sign with a label is AFTER the label has made enough money off of them that the artists feels like they’re starting to make some money too. If you’ve got a couple million in the bank because you’ve got yourself a hit, you probably aren’t scouring your label’s accounting records trying to find the millions they’ve squandered on your behalf. Now, you could argue, without those millions spent, you wouldn’t have that hit single! You may have a point there, however, most acts on a label these days DON’T get that “hit” and thus, are left in legal battles trying to figure out where all the money went (why are we eating dirt and they’re driving Bentleys?)

What advice might you give a talented musician struggling to get discovered?

Stop playing the music industry game and start caring about your fans like they are your family. They are. Or at least they will be, hopefully! Give them prizes, freebies, contests, advance listens, rare demos, free shirts…anything you got to show ’em how much you love ’em. They will only love you more and, everyone wins.

What are a few of the bigger financial and promotional challenges you’ve encountered while during your independence that you may not have encountered on a label?

Tour support is a big one. That said, many labels now expect a portion of performance fee and merch sales in exchange for tour support. I’d love to see what would happen if I spent a million dollars on marketing but I know that free internet work and word of mouth will achieve the same result (perhaps in more time, perhaps in less time, depending on the artist!).

What is the best part about having a record contract?

Other people who are not you doing stuff for you.

The worst?

Other people who are not you wrecking your life with their bad ideas because they’ll never be as invested in your life as you are.

What is the best part about being an independent musician?

Complete, utter honesty. Nothing is contrived, fake or pre-fabricated. You control your own destiny.

The hardest?

Finding the time. Most split the musical and promotional sides unevenly. In my case, I don’t create nearly as much as I used to.

Do you agree that record labels are becoming a thing of the past with all of the new production technology and networking tools?

I sure hope so! It’s a silly platform and a dying era. The sooner you realize that no one is going to save you, the more likely you are to have a team of people who actually LOVE you (and aren’t just getting paid to) helping you to fulfill your dreams.

I’m so pissed.

Not drunk, just uber angry. haha is that even english. What the hell did I just say.

I hate the music industry.

I fucking HAAAATE it.

There, I said it.

I LUCKILY, as luck would have it, have been fortunate enough to live the majority of my life off the map, out of the claws of these people. I don’t want you to make money off me. Stop coming to my shows. There, I said it.

😛 <--- ptttt!

A lil something about myself for the day:

I am incredibly shy.

I have always been incredibly shy.

I remember being hungry at my little brother’s hockey game once, and my mom said I could have anything I wanted, if I just went up and paid for it myself.

I stayed hungry until we got home.

Oh ya, I played a show tonight. How am I able to sing/perform in front of people, and yet I can barely speak to a crowd of more than 2? Even if at a house party, or in my living room, it is far more uncomfortable for me to play in what some might deem a way more comfortable setting (such as in my own home), then it is to play a random stage somewhere. I love small intimate shows but I HATE being at a party or something and someone handing me a guitar and saying “Hey play a song!” Normally I just flat our refuse. Too shy!!!

Today, I was a bee.

This is not a joke, and I have pictures (and video) to prove it.

Some friends of mine started this thing called ClickBee and if you’ve ever bought anything online, you have got to check them out. If you’ve never bought anything online, it’s time you started…it reduces emissions by 35%, saves you time and now, you get cash back every time you buy something.

Basically, anytime you buy anything online, you save money and get it back in the form of cash. So, every time you buy anything at all, from clothes to diapers to movies to books to guitar string to songs on iTunes, they send you a check in the mail.

It works on the same principle as Amazon except for that in Amazon’s case, they keep all the money. With these guys, you get it all back.

Some of the stores give you up to 25% back (some as much as 40%) and if you start switching to shopping online more and more, it’s crazy how much money you save. Also, it feels pretty good to get a check in the mail instead of a bill.

The best part, though, is all the stores you can save money at. They have over 2,000, everything from Best Buy, Target, Macy’s, iTunes, Guitar Center…the list just goes on and on. Imagine if everytime you went to buy a DVD, toilet paper, socks, music…anything at all, imagine getting up to 25% cash back.

Anyways, I really believe in these guys and not only did they build a great site that’s been saving us a ton of cash but they’re also great people too, with a tiny adorable daughter that I adore to bits. And, they let me be a bee for a day 🙂

Visit them at http://www.ClickBee.net and enter this code to join for free:

bpcb25

The ClickBeeMobile!

Look! I’m a bee! 😀

View more photos from this day at http://www.flickr.com/photos/thelostcause/3687931515/