Every night a monologue plays in my mind of all the words I would have said if I thought you were listening<\/p>\n
Every night I stay up trying to fall asleep to did he get my emails did he read my emails did he see my emails did he delete my emails did he get my emails does he ignore my emails does he read my emails does he see my emails does he delete my emails<\/p>\n
Every day I sink in to my reality\u2026this mediocrity\u2026all the things I wish I could be, wish I could be doing\u2026and I think of the things I have done in order to do them\u2026and I think of how many times the path of trying to get to where I wish I was has broken me. Broken me to bits. Bits hanging out the window of the 29th floor looking down, hanging on with one hand to\u2026<\/p>\n
Change everything. Changing everything. Phone calls. Flights. Packing packing packing packing packing Get the fuck out. Anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere but <\/p>\n
Here we are again. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s a means to an end, right? Every body does this. Right? Every body hates every minute of their existence, every second like a small stab in the throat killing killing killing god just make it end I can\u2019t talk to these people anymore I can\u2019t stay here I can\u2019t do this I can\u2019t<\/p>\n
Change everything.<\/p>\n
Like a slide show. The flash of a camera. Move home, move out, move back, move on, move in, get dropped get bent out of shape cause the nightmares are a run on sentence that\u2019s spilling in to daylight and the dark doesn\u2019t stop anymore and I don\u2019t remember why I do this why do I do this why do I do this why do I<\/p>\n
Change everything?<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t stand it in my own skin. And I\u2019m running out of places to go. And I can\u2019t write it on my walls, because I don\u2019t have any. I can\u2019t drive somewhere new, anywhere, anywhere, anywhere but here is where we are. And I start over. And over. And over. Again. <\/p>\n
Every night<\/p>\n
A monologue<\/p>\n
Plays in my mind<\/p>\n
But this is<\/p>\n
The first time<\/p>\n
I have written anything down<\/p>\n
In a year<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Every night a monologue plays in my mind of all the words I would have said if I thought you were listening Every night I stay up trying to fall…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,38],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3673","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3673","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3673"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3673\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3673"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3673"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billypettinger.com\/billythekid\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3673"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}